It's Lots Of Fun To Spend New Year's Eve With Bare Naked Ladies

Someday I'll sing this song, just like this:



Until then, as long as we have the meat on the shinbone of a sparrow, we'll be fine.

Happy New Year!

It Is Difficult To Be As Odd As The Original, But Dadgum, I Do Believe They've Done It

Steely Shodan!



Some say we either dropped too many atomic weapons on Japan, or not enough. This is evidence it was just about right. So owrajus!

Jewel Says She Wants Oscar Peterson But I Know She Really Wants To Hear Joe Pass

They played together a lot. Here's Joe, telling you all his secrets at the end.

There are three kinds of chords.

Hmm. There may be more to it than that.

Anyway, I met Joe, a couple years before this video was made, in Los Angeles. He was a very nice man.

Mining Silver In 1958

Horace Silver "Cool Eyes." Nice video.



Everyone should be sitting in red naugahyde booths drinking Cutty and smoking while the broads go to the can and freshen up. For some reason, they're just sitting there.

Elvis Did At Least Two Smart Things: He Hired Scotty Moore, And He Shot His Television Set

Elvis won't be down for breakfast, but Scotty Moore will.



Happy Birthday, Garrett. You're old, but that's alright.

Give Me Those Nice Bright Colors

Hey Look, It's Sinterklaas

Hope you all have a full belly, a refreshed heart, and an empty head today.

Jesus, Mary And Joseph!

I'm not cursing. It's my resume.

The Human Hadron Collider

James Brown. Popcorn. Ugh.


Ha! I recognize that hoser host.

The David Steinberg Show

Laundry List

Whole lotta firepower on that stage with Arthur Conley. Stax/Volt was the shizzle.



When we used to play this song out in clubs, we referred to it as a "laundry list." It means the song doesn't really have any lyrics, it's just a sort of shipping manifest with a beat. What's your favorite laundry list song? How about Kung-fu Fighting?

Ruffles And Flourishes

I hope Santa brings you some Isotoner gloves for your Soul Fingers, even if you don't look cool.

Can I Get A Witness?

I dint know Van Morrison from a hole in the wall though he lived downa street for a spell and saw the same sunrise on the Mystic -- but me, I just saw a dead dog float by and he was gone by then anyway; way later I spotted his face over and over like a hostage taken on the label in the bin I remember it was only a buck save a penny at the building nineteen and three quarters and that needle left an electrifying little wake on the platter like a boat in the fog or a dead dog on the Mystic. There's a song or a poem or a story like a Greek with a lyre would tell in there somewheres but he took it already.



So glad to see you
So glad you're here
Come here beside me now
We can clean inhibition away
All inhibitions
Throw them away
And when we dance like this
Like we've never been dancin' before

Oh, they were swingin'
Down at kingdom hall
Oh, bells were ringin'
Down at the kingdom hall
Oh choir was singin'
Down at the kingdom hall
Hey, liley, liley, liley
Hey, liley, liley, lo


Good body music
Brings you right here
Free flowin' motion now
When we're shakin' it out on the floor
Good rockin' music
Down in your shoes
And when we dance like this
Like we've never been dancin' before

Elevator Running Slow

Junior Wells

Don't Miss Maine Family Robinson, Or You'll Miss It

Our latest installment of Maine Family Robinson is up over at Rightnetwork:  Top 10 Steaming Heaps Of Eco-Friendly / Frugal Living Horse Dung

Why not head on over and read and have a few yuks and add to our list of foolishness in the comments. If Joe the Plumber has more comments than me, I might take my own life. I already do all my own plumbing, so ritual suicide is all that's left to me.

If I Had A Million Dollars, I'd Buy You A Monkey

Christmas is a bit wistful this year. We won't get to visit our relatives and a lot of our friends. There isn't much under the tree. I hope for coal in my stocking, so I can burn it. But Christmas is cheering me up this year. Isn't that sorta the point?

The spirit of the thing expresses itself if you let it.

To all my relatives and friends, including all my Intertunnel friends who have been so generous with their attention and praise and who've purchased furniture from my little store, and you doughty Amazon shoppers who've used our links and helped us out, we wish you laughter and joy, along with the peace of mind that the contemplation of the sublime can supply. Merry Christmas, every one.

PS: This song is chosen especially for my friend Bird Dog, who loves Napoleon Dynamite.

Update: Regular reader and commenter Sam L. requested the lyrics. We aim to please. So you aim, too, please. Or something.

Fall is here, hear the yell
Back to school, ring the bell
Brand new shoes, walking blues
Climb the fence, book and pens
I can tell that we are gonna be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee
Through the park, by the tree
We will rest upon the ground
And look at all the bugs we've found
Then safely walk to school
Without a sound

Well here we are, no one else
We walked to school all by ourselves
There's dirt on our uniforms
From chasing all the ants and worms
We clean up and now it's time to learn


Numbers, letters, learn to spell
Nouns, and books, and show and tell
At playtime we will throw the ball
Back to class, through the hall
Teacher marks our height against the wall

And we don't notice any time pass
We don't notice anything
We sit side by side in every class
Teacher thinks that I sound funny
But she likes the way you sing

Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed
When silly thoughts go through my head
About the bugs and alphabet
And when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
That you and I will walk together again
'cause I can tell that we
Are going to be friends

Thank God That In Its Infinite Wisdom, The Universe Never Gave Me Any Girls To Raise

My wife, in a brazen attempt to head off the Anne Boleyn effect, produced an heir and a spare. It's just as well; imagine me Christmas shopping for a daughter:

You Can Have This Bench For Free If You Give Me A Hundred Dollars

60 percent of the time, that sales pitch works every time.

Sippican Cottage Furniture Ready For Immediate Delivery 

There Was Comet, Zenyatta, Mondatta And Blitzen...

The Intertunnel Is A Fascinating Place

There was an old Twilight Zone episode I vaguely remember. Burgess Meredith wants to be left alone with his books. He gets his wish, society is wiped out in a nuclear holocaust, and he finds himself alone in the world with no one to bother him. He enters a library, a kind of heaven. But his coke-bottle glasses are broken, and he discovers the need for other people, but it's too late.


The Internets are like that library, if you're not careful. Picking through the world and everything in it, until God breaks your glasses. Still; what wonders it shows me from time to time.

... So This Chick Staggers Out Of The Woods, And Says: That's The Last Time I Do That For Two Bucks...

I Wanna Party With Bob Zimmerman

Who's got a beard that's long and white?
Santa's got a beard that's long and white

Who comes around on a special night?
Santa comes around on a special night

Special Night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Who wears boots and a suit of red?
Santa wears boots and a suit of red

Who wears a long cap on his head?
Santa wears a long cap on his head

Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Who's got a big red cherry nose?
Santa's got a big red cherry nose

Who laughs this way HO HO HO?
Santa laughs this way HO HO HO

HO HO HO, cherry nose
Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Who very soon will come our way?
Santa very soon will come our way

Eight little reindeer pull his sleigh
Santa's little reindeer pull his sleigh

Reindeer sleigh, come our way
HO HO HO, cherry nose
Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen

Reindeer sleigh, come our way
HO HO HO, cherry nose
Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Read About Copperheads. I'll Cu Later

I've got an essay up over at Rightnetwork today. Why not head on over and try to untangle my diction? Leave a comment so I know you're still breathing. It's inconvenient to go to your houses and hold a mirror under your nose.

The Copper Thieves Are Back

A Thousand And One

Granpa told me all about the genie in the lamp.

It's the oldest story ever and came from the land of the sand and the women with only eyes. It's in there, the genie of everything, but you have to find him and let him out. Then he's out and you have to figure what to do with him. Granpa says he's wonderful but as dumb as a stump, just like all of us. He can do anything but doesn't know what to do. He needs guidin'.

The lamp is always hidden in plain sight he says. Men go prospectin' all over the landscape for the easy riches but they're generally layin' right there on the ground but you step over them in your hurry and scurry to look for them. Granpa points to the men through the door of the grog shop and they're playin' cards and Granpa says what good does it do for them to find the riches anyway.

Granpa would take the books down from the high shelves that the kids weren't supposed to get because the treasure in them was too dear to waste on such as us. He told me to run my hands over the cloth on the cover to see if it was the real deal inside there. They don't waste the nubbly cloth on the fakers.

The lady wouldn't like it but Granpa would shush her and we'd go home and open that book but only so far. A book is like a man, Granpa would say. You can only bend him so far back until he can't take it no more and then his back breaks. People always put the book back on the shelf but you can always tell because neither the man nor the book can stand up straight any more after that.

Scheherezade told that Sultan all those stories and it kept her alive and me too.

1974 Wasn't So Bad. If You Turned Off The News And Turned On The Top 40

Geez, 30 songs like that for around ten bucks. The best stuff is always the cheapest.

The Layman's Guide To Quantitative Easing

I Wanna Party With Claudio Villa

"Stornelli Romani" means gypsy folk song, more or less.



Died in 1987. His gravestone reads: "Life, you are fine. Death, you stink"

Claudio Villa

There's A Fine Line Between Genius And Madness

The following is nowhere near the vicinity of that line. Happy Chrimble!

More Normal Than Tiny Tim, Odder Than "Brand New Key," Somehow Less Disturbing Than Lou Christie

Canned Heat. I always had a soft spot for people that don't fit in anywhere.



(Thanks to Charles Schneider for sending this one along)

Don't Miss: Maine Politics; A Primer

Why not head on over to the Rightnetwork and read The Maine Family Robinson Primer on Maine Politics? Hilarity may ensue. If you don't think it's funny, you can always tell your own jokes in the comments. DIY is good for the soul.

The Siren Song Of The Shop-Vac

I hear it in my sleep, now.

Veeeeeeeeeggie Pizza!