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Friday, March 06, 2015

Excuse Me While I Monotonectally Maximize Cross-Functional Portals to Leverage Our B2B Synergies in a Real-Time Customizable Platform

 
*No purchase necessary. Some assembly required. Tax, title,license and dealer fees extra. Do not exceed 4 doses in a 24-hour period. You will get wet on this ride. One size fits most. Batteries not included. The white zone is for the immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no parking in the red zone. Dramatization. Proof of mailing does not constitute proof of delivery. Shake well before opening. Contains eggs. Also available left-handed. Before posting, please take a minute to review our posting rules and our legal/privacy policy. All lyrics by Hammerstein, not Rodgers. Hours may vary by location. No smoking or open flames. Professional driver. Closed course. Any similarities between the characters, locations or events depicted herein and actual persons, living or dead, locations or events is purely coincidental and unintentional. Use as directed. Must be 18 to enter. Positive identification required. Handle with care. Do not pass on right. Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. User assumes all risks. No right turn on red. If you can read this, you're too close. Ass, grass, or cash; no one rides for free. Occupancy by more than 135 persons is dangerous and unlawful but kinda fun. Interior is genuine rich, Corinthian leather. Viewer discretion is advised but not anticipated. Not available in stores. Do not feed the animals. Available for Windows, Mac, and the seven people running Linux. 70% cotton, 30% nylon. Nos falamos Portugues. Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. The cake is a lie. Limit one per customer per visit. No trespassing. No loitering. No soliciting. Please don't eat the daisies. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear. Ensure equipment is properly grounded prior to operation. Registration required. Not recommended for women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant. Ladies drink free. Apply directly to forehead. Closed Sundays and holidays. Filmed before a live studio audience. Available only for a limited time. Follow the yellow brick road. Lights on for safety. Made in China. Do not use as a flotation device. Stay off the grass. Offer void where prohibited. Installation extra. The rain in Spain should be expected to fall mainly on the plain. All sales final. Two-Year service agreement required. Non-toxic. HTML enabled. Don't try this at home. Your ad here. Tamper-resistant packaging. Expect delays. Refrigerate after opening. Restrictions apply. See store for details. No shirt, no shoes, no service. Have a nice day.

8 comments:

walt reed said...

Well, I had a transitory, tangential comment on this important information. Maybe another view of the material before commenting. Was this in Airplane?

Chuckles said...

Your mileage may vary.
Almost live and nearly from Hollywood. Portions pre-recorded.
They said there would be cake.

Sam L. said...

Anything with that many caveats is dead to me. And my wallet.

Sam L. said...

Anything with that many caveats is dead to me. And my wallet.

walt reed said...

Play it again Sam. Oh, you did.

Larry Geiger said...

Like the fine print on the radio. I can never understand the people that that is a good idea, or the people that require it. No one listens or understands. It's like an undercurrent of civilization (like the fine print under the video). It's like dirt, asphalt, rocks and grass when we take a walk. We don't notice it but it's always there. Only in space can you walk with nothing solid under your feet. Does anyone read the scrolling news at the sports bar? Does anyone really look at the video doohickey with the current strikes and outs? Like the glass in a window. Outside is out there and inside is in here but do we ever notice the glass? (my mom does, particularly when it's dirty!). The Muzak of civilization. Always there but not noticed. Comment on it and people go, "Huh!?!" or "Doh!".

I saw a preview for the sequel to "Mall Cop". (No, I did not see "Mall Cop" or the sequel). In the preview the tubby guy is running around chasing some bad guy and runs into an incredibly clear window. He jumps back up as he says "That's clean glass..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_ld3IJ0sUU

RonF said...

This video is even stupider than you think. The guy in the lab coat is not holding up a beaker. He's holding up an Erlenmeyer flask.

walt reed said...

Like sands through the hour glass, so are the Days of Our Lives. Ron, you can buy Emils' beakers at Amazon. The future is ahead of us.