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Thursday, January 29, 2015

Still More Intelligent and Less Excitable Than Jim Cantore



As my father used to say, "God love 'em."

This is what all TV weather reports look like to me, only with much less charm. This guy has it goin' on. He really knows how you're supposed to prepare for a wikid stahm comin. Let's go to the transcript he's so solicitously supplied with his video:
Order your Pizzas and Chinese Food and Buy Cases of Pspsi and Coke and Do your Grocery Shopping Don't Wait until the Last Minute Do it Right Now
I must admit that I don't keep up with nutritional advice from the government these days. Is that the new Food Pyramid? Well, as long as it's gluten-free pizza and the chopsticks are harvested in an ecologically sound manner from happy trees, I guess it will do.

Yeah. He's more tuned in to popular culture than the runt of a Kardashian litter could aspire to:
...have your iPads, iPods, Cell Phones, Laptops and Tablets Charged and have your 3G and 4G Internet Ready and when you are driving your Car Take your Time driving your car and Slow Down so you Don't Get in the Car Accident and when you are going outside Don't Walk too Far and have your Shovels, Snow Scoops, Snow Blowers, Snow Plows and Salt Trucks Ready and Drink Lots of Green Tea, White Tea and Red Tea and Drink Lots of Green Tea to keep you warm and have your Furnaces Ready and Turn on the Furnaces to keep the House Warm during the Blizzard
Funny thing was, while the weatherman was apologizing to New York for no blizzard, the snow was going by my house at 50mph or so. It started snowing inside my house, literally. Snow started to geyser straight up from the crack between the windowsill and the sash, and settled in a little drift on the sill. That was on a window that's been painted shut for fifty years, easy.

It snows here, so we don't worry overmuch, but the temperature routinely goes below zero at night, and the loss of power in a blizzard would be a big deal. No heat. We can power a wood furnace in the basement using an inverter hooked up to a car battery, but the car has to be running, and you can't manage that during a blizzard. The power stayed on, and the house didn't fall over, so it was just another snowstorm.

We went out yesterday and started shoveling the asbestos snow, with no way to know how much there was. The wind had moved it around so much that it could have been anything from a foot to thirty inches. The end of the driveway defended itself ably against our assaults, but the two exchange students from across the street wandered over and outflanked the last of it. 

We're going to get another foot of snow tomorrow, and I have no idea where we'll put it. The banks are six feet high already. We'll figure out something. We always do. We just can't figure out where to get Pspsi.


9 comments:

Sam L. said...

Might want to stock up this way:

http://www.gocomics.com/cowtown

Good thing that weathercaster wasn't, like, excited or anything; gave me confidence he knew what he was talking about. Not that it makes a difference to me, not being within one kilomile of Maine, give or take, more of less, approximately.

Leslie said...

Oh my.

Sam L. said...

"Oh my" to what, exactly, Leslie?
(I'm back on my meds today. I can take it.)

David Kanigan said...

Loved it!

Leslie said...

Sam L.- First: "Including BangOR..." (His teeth were a little scary.) Second, have lived in Arizona most of my life. It has never snowed in my house. I know how to keep cool when it is over 110, and how to drive in a dust storm with 0 visiblity, but, I am not much for being cold. Sipp is a hardier soul than I am.

Joan of Argghh! said...

That video would be viral if it were 45 seconds long.

I did spare a thought for the Sippican House after we survived the 40mph gusts on the Argghh craft because I knew it was eventually headed your way.

Sam L. said...

Leslie, I lived in Tucson for about 5 years. Saw 6" of snow in the desert. A woman I knew slipped in her snow-covered driveway and broke her thigh bone. The local paper had a photo on the front page of two secretaries throwing snowballs at each other in front of a short brick wall with a) a small snowman on top and b) Department Of Arid Land Studies in metal letters on the front. This was in '71, IIRC.

Anonymous said...

Shorts and barefeet in God's country socali

RonF said...

When I lived in SE Massachusetts and we knew a storm was coming Mom went to the store for food, my brothers and I got sent out to bring in a bunch of wood and Dad made sure there was plenty of whiskey and beer.