Monday, December 29, 2014
You Might Think This Was The Most Maine Thing Ever
For starters, the plow is shiny. Shiny, people. This plow is obviously new, or stolen. Maine people don't own anything new, or steal. They rescue all the copper pipe out of your camp house if it's empty for more than a month, and they borrow grandma's Oxycontins to use as currency in Bangor until their medical marijuana prescription comes around again, but they don't steal. If that was a true Maine plow, it would be rusty, and leaking hydraulic fluid all over the road.
I notice that the headlights are working properly. That is also suspicious. He's straddling the lanes nicely while yammering on the cellphone, and the skin on his porcine arm looks like a sausage casing that's about to burst, and those are marks in the photo's favor. It would be slightly more Maine-ish if it was a single mother in a Dodge Neon with an unbelted baby in the back seat, texting while driving 70 on a road last paved in the 1960s to get to a party being held in a single-wide trailer, but the lobster traps do keep this one in the running. Besides, in all the pictures I have of Dodge Neons, the car is upside-down, and they're not as interesting to look at.
This could very well be Maine, don't get me wrong. But all the door and body panels on the truck are the same color, which gets my Charlotte's Web spider sense tingling. That reeks of Rye, New Hampshire, which is like another planet.There's no way to see if the guy is wearing jorts and shower shoes in the wintertime, which would settle this thing once and for all.