Thursday, March 20, 2014
Yay Spring. You Go, Spring
It' s the first day of Spring today. Yay Spring. You go, Spring. Attaboy, Spring. It's been snowing for twelve straight hours, but that Spring he's just being coy. He's got Winter right where he wants him, trapped in my driveway. He can't escape, and Spring knows it. Spring doesn't worry. Spring is like Dirty Harry. He's gonna finish his hot dog before he comes out blastin'. I just know it.
There appears to be some sort of Civil War battleship foundered on my lawn that got snowed over. But that wily Spring, he's just waiting for the snow on the lawn to connect up with the snow on the roof, and then Bam!, that Spring's going to send the whole megillah into my basement. Then I'll be able to drag the Monitor or the Merrimack or whatever it is under there to the scrapyard and get rich like a metal thief.
There is no more firewood. That's bad. But I have a metal basket to burn wood pellets in when the firewood runs out. That's good. But after two years of hard use, the bottom of the basket burned clean through the other night, and the pellets just tumble out. That's bad. But my son and I found a stainless steel lid from a warming tray, like you'd see in a buffet line, and by modifying it a bit with a metal grinder and some pliers, I lined the bottom of the pellet basket. That's good. But we ran out of pellets, too. That's bad. But they sell pellets in every grocery store, supermarket, lumber yard, opium den, bordello, Walmart, and feed store in Maine. That's good. But every single one of them is completely out of pellets, in the whole state of Maine. That's bad. But I'm currently making ten pieces of furniture, and I burn the tapered cut-offs from the legs for heat. That's good. But they only lasted a day. That's bad. But the Tractor Supply company down the street got a pallet of pellets yesterday. That's good. The people before us bought twenty bags. That's bad. We bought the other thirty bags. That's good. Maine is nothing but trees, trees everywhere, trees growing out of the gutters on your house, trees crowding out the flowers in your pots, but the pellets came in bags labeled: Made in Alabama. I have no idea if that's good or bad, but it sure is something.