Tuesday, December 17, 2013
I Was Considering Putting On A Sweater
I got up this morning and it was fifteen below zero, car wouldn't start, because the car is smarter than a person, and we were still shoveling a foot of "partly cloudy" from the day before. I didn't really mind, exactly, because I didn't move to Uppastump Maine expecting palm trees and grass skirts on the babes, but there is one aspect about it that rankled. Listen to me, you weather idiots. It's not the winter. It won't be winter for four days or so. The average nighttime temperature here in December is fourteen degrees Fahrenheit. That makes last night thirty bleeping degrees below normal. Thirty degrees is a lot, don't you think?
I can take thirty degrees below normal. But if you call it winter one more time, I'm coming to look for you, and not with opera glasses, either.
[You can listen to, and purchase if you like (just 99 cents), my sons' Generic Christmas Song here:]