Do you have any deformities, infirmities, calamities, contagions or afflictions?
Do you suffer from any shortcomings or long goings?
Place your hand on the Intertunnel and be saved. Save! Ed!
The man on the throne will put a thrill in your bones
He'll cure your ills and give you chills
Don't sit home alone with cold stacks of wax
Come down to the show if your warden gets lax
His dancing girls will wriggle and sway
Like politicians on judgment day