Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I've Located The Last Page Of The Intertunnel

I named it the Intertunnel, of course. You might call it the Interwebs, or the Hypertubes, or THE AOLs, or whatever. But no matter what you call it, it's not a place; it's more like a trip. An Alighierian trip. It starts out innocently, but it doesn't end up that way -- like a double date, or maybe representative democracy.

Maybe you start out a German tenor --August Schramm, let's say-- and there you are, standing up straight and trying to get Mozart up a stump in a concert hall where everyone can get a look at him.



But you can't leave well enough alone, can you? You get one of those cameras full of pixels and brimstone, and point it at yourself, and upload that badboy to the Intertunnel. Pretty soon you get to poking around on the Interwebs after you watch your own video on YouTube. In no time at all, you're picking Lady Gaga's merkin hair out of the Intertunnel's intellectual shower drain:


There you go, folks. We're done here. The Intertunnel is finished. Kaput, if August is tuning in. You can turn it off and go outside now. But for God's sake, don't press the print button first.

(Thanks, I think, to reader and commenter and correspondent Charles Schneider for sending that one along. I guess. Pretty sure. Maybe. Whatever)

14 comments:

julie said...

In no time at all, you're picking Lady Gaga's merkin hair out of the Intertunnel's intellectual shower drain

It's a very good thing I had finished eating when reading that line, or my keyboard would have taken a serious hit.

You're going to get an interesting array of search results from that one...

julie said...

Okay, I commented before watching the videos.

lol wut?!?!?!?! (as my nieces would say)

I think my brain just broke.

Leslie said...

Kaput

Fredegar said...

My God, it's full of...

I...

I don't know what it's full of... but it ain't stars...

Karen said...

1) The second video has been viewed 100 times more than the first.
2) I need a drink.

vanderleun said...

Nuke us all from orbit!

Sam L. said...

Your boys are going to disinherit you, Mr. Sippi, assuming Mrs. Sippi doesn't, first.

On the other hand, she married you. She likely knew what she was getting into. Makes me worry about her.

Inspired weirdness? Many precincts have not reported.

Ruth Anne Adams said...

This is the time on Schprockets when we dance!

They're German. Weird comes with the territory.

H. Gillham said...

As my students used to say, "that's messed up."

Kathleen M said...

Whoa baby! Some scary stuff there.

Your Mother said...

I feel violated now.

Derek Alexander said...

My God! I'm torn between being mildly aroused and burning my eyes out with a hot poker..

mushroom said...

Wow. Do you think they will go away if we give them back France?

Anonymous said...

In other news, the German Loathsomeness Index, or
Deutsch Widerwärtigkeit Index (DWI) closed at a sixty year high today, managers reporting that people loathe the detestable spectacles they compulsively display nearly as much as they did the National Socialist Party (NSDAP).

Mike James