Friday, July 16, 2010
Littel Known Facts
I have an extra organ. It allows me to stand unaided.
A circus once ran away to join me.
It is illegal to sell olive oil marked "extra virgin." Sorry.
I declined the premiership of Costaguana. I wasn't going for any of that shite.
When I was born, my dad gave Bill Clinton a cigar. You know the rest.
One of my harsh looks once left a DNA sample on a passing motorist.
I joined the London Philharmonic because it needed more cowbell.
The three fastest-growing lost tribes worship me as the god of infertility.
I was banned from America's Cup yacht racing for playing defense.
I've shot four holes in one. Guy.
I once sold an encyclopedia salesman a vacuum cleaner.
Growing up, I was acknowledged as the toughest kid in my neighborhood until those boys moved in.
I invented the spork. I don't get any royalties because I insisted on calling it the foon.
I had a full-sized tattoo of myself applied.
I killed the deputy.
I'm so handsome I was sued for alienation of affection by a narcissist.
I hold the patent for Wite-Out for websites.
All told, six women have committed suicide over me, so I now carry a really strong umbrella.