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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The Square Root of All Evil

Hello everybody-

Well, I'm depressed. You see, I've discovered the funniest writer on the Internet, but reading his prose isn't as enjoyable as it should be, because it's me, and I already know the punch lines because I wrote them. It spoils the effect somehow.

The latest installment in the "Old School" series is up over at HotHardware.com, and it's topical and funny and incisive and witty and informative and ... what's that dear? Oh yes, it's about 500 words too long.

Here's a little:


I'm supposed to be afraid of the Chinese, I think. They're going to have all the money. Or is it the Japanese? I forget. No, that was 1985. My memory is a little fuzzy, but I think the Japanese plan for world economic domination was:
1. Make Americans a bunch of VCRs.
2. Invest the money in more VCR factories to work in, to make more VCRs.
3. Be too honest to steal a VCR at work.
4. Sing Manilow songs in a Karaoke Bar on Fridays.
5. End up fifteen years later still trying to save up enough money to buy a VCR by working in Flatscreen TV factory.



So this ended up badly for the Japanese; and Barry Manilow is number one on the pop charts again in America, so it ended up badly for us too. But when Barry Manilow has more money than the whole Japanese economy, I guess we can stop worrying about them.


You can read the rest of it over at HotHardware.com Don't read every sixth word and it will be just the right length:

The Square Root of All Evil

2 comments:

David53 said...

I've discovered the funniest writer on the Internet, but reading his prose isn't as enjoyable as it should be, because it's me...

Well you are pretty darned funny but Kinky Friedman may be able to give you some competition.

"I knew I wasn't as stupid as I looked. No one was."
Friedman, Kinky (1993)

Besides, he's running for Governor of Texas, now that's funny!

SippicanCottage said...

Welcome David-

San Antonio is a great city. Haven't been in twenty-five years.

God I love Kinky Friedman.

"They ain't makin' Jews, like Jesus any more..."

Please don't burn my embassy.